Ridiculous hate mail to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

You will all surely enjoy this piece of ridiculous hate mail sent to the website of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In reading it, note how every statement in it could be applied with equal felicity to mainstream religions. Note also how much more seriously such a letter would be treated if it were sent to a mainstream religious congregation.

“YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny 😄 You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
– jade-jewel”
I’m feeling extra ambitious today. I’ll rewrite this post but replace FSM with a major religion. Given the food reference, the most easily transferred religion is Catholicism. Here goes:
YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster a virgin-borne savior and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI CRACKERS AND WINE I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI JESUS DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny 😄 You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti Jesus guy? A piece of garlic toast cracker and a meat ball wine? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti crackers and wine!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG speghetti Jesus bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr virgin-borne saviorrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
– jade-jewel

Now to forward this on to the Catholic League! Nah, I’m not going to slam a whole group of people just to prove a point.

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Comments
14 Responses to “Ridiculous hate mail to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster”
  1. lifelessonsfromwriting says:

    Oh, snap 😉

    I think they need to get someone a bit more literate (and intelligent) to start writing their hate-mail…

  2. Lucy Lowe says:

    So much irony it’s giving me headfreeze. That said I personally attend the latter day seperatist Lasagne Church and think you both wrong 😉

  3. Well this was a good laugh, and since we are having spaghetti
    tonight for dinner it makes it even funnier. Wish I could share this with the kids 🙂 they would get a kick out of it. For the poor guy writing the letter it could have been worse he could have found out that the man in the red suit is not real as well. You got to love America, Maybe Jerry Springer could do a show on the Spaghetti Monster?

  4. ronbrown says:

    Lucy: Quite hilarious.

  5. Emily says:

    MY SPAGHETTI IS NOT JESUS!!!
    Actually, I think the FSM’s disciples are a piece of garlic toast and a meat ball….better than Jesus’…except Judas. He was a real class act.

  6. ronbrown says:

    MY JESUS IS NOT SPAGHETTI!

  7. Judas would be the antipasto????

  8. Rachel says:

    I am getting hungry! I think we need some dessert disciples, too, though. You cannot have a religion without chocolate (or ice cream)! It would totally offend any Monster, flying or otherwise. And of course, using anything but fair trade chocolate would be blasphemous.

    And, Ron, you will be swiming in eternal marinara sauce for denouncing spaghetti!

    (I guess this letter is a good example for the negative correlation between level of education and religious beliefs…)

  9. Are you sure the empty calories in the dessert aren’t the work of the devil(??), as they tempt us away from the nutritious wisdom of the FSM? I’d be careful.

  10. Matt says:

    I like the inclusion of pirates in the church of the FSM, personally. You can’t go wrong with pirates.

  11. ronbrown says:

    Matt: Well, pirates are integrally involved in global warming. Being a wise religion which is aware of global concerns, it couldn’t not invoke pirates.

  12. Rachel says:

    Empty calories in dessert? Those are full calories, very full! Okay, okay, maybe I was led astray by the Bedeviling Chocolate Truffle Monstrosity… I will make sure to have spaghetti to avoid the internal damnation of Alfredo sauce!

  13. ronbrown says:

    Rachel: [Parmessan] Cheese be upon you.

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