UPDATE: This post is now for humour and lulz (at my expense) purposes only. I’ve just been informed that this is a parody site. In my own defense, however, the millions of religious rightards in the world have made it impossible to use ridiculousness as a red flag for satire.

I just stumbled upon a piece of old news that was too absurd to not write about. The culprit of this Christian-on-Christian fear-mongering is OBJECTIVE: Ministries, an organization that easily qualifies as one of fullblown religulous lunacy. A quick glance at its homepage will provide a king’s buffet of psychotic idiocy and paranoia. And it will leave no doubts about its primary objectives: to fully Christianize the world, squeezing out all types of non-Christian and insufficiently Christian thinking and behaviour.

Consider some of the activism that it prominently endorses:

The nuttery of this site could not be done full justice without making a special post just for it. But that’s not the point here. The point here is to talk about a particular instance in which they attempted to use malicious lies to demonize a group of atheists and to scare Christians out of possibly giving a listen to the atheists’  message.

This event took place in April 2006, and pertained to the people behind The God Who Wasn’t There’s War on Easter. Here is their unedited declaration:

Militant Atheists are targeting churches as part of a self-declared “War on Easter”

If you see suspicious Atheist types like the one above lurking around your church, call the police immediately.

The “War on Easter” campaign, designed to terrorize churches across our nation, is part of a larger war on Christians being waged by the leftist forces of Secularism. The group responsible has a website where they issue marching orders, distribute their hate propaganda, and sinisterly post pictures of churches they have attacked.

They call on members of Atheist sleeper-cells in our communities to sneak onto church property and place anti-Christian fliers — most disturbingly, ones targeting children — and copies of a low-budget film entitled Your God Wasn’t There, which claims that Jesus has abandoned America. As proof of their anti-Christian motives, they are calling for “666″ of the DVDs to be hidden around churches in time for family Easter-egg hunt activities.

This growing war on Christians has hit home for us as we learned of it this morning when one of their crude fliers was found taped to the front door of Mt. Fellowship Church. Later, our grounds keeper found one of their DVDs hidden in a bush in the church rose garden, where we will be holding our Easter-egg hunt this Sunday. It had a note attached reading “You found the lucky egg”, proving that it was meant for one of our children.

(The culprit is still at large. However, we are conducting a thorough sweep of the garden to make sure no other items were planted and that the area is safe for children. Rest assured that come Sunday, Lambuel’s Easterday Eggstravaganza will not be interrupted by terrorists.)

If your church is targeted, we urge you to take the matter seriously and report the incident to the Department of Homeland Security. While the fliers and poorly produced DVDs may seem like some juvenile prank pulled by Secularized teens, the people doing these acts of domestic terrorism are part of an axis of anti-Christianity that is aligned with bioterrorists who seek to wipe out 90% of humanity with ebola virus. We cannot stress strongly enough that you should not open any of the DVD cases as it is unknown what sort of agents or improvised devices might be inside.

How completely despicable. How on earth is placing fliers and DVDs on a church terrorism? And where in the bloody HELL did these clowns get the idea that these atheists are aligned with international bioterrorists?! I’m not a US civil rights attorney, but I would imagine that this degree of disingenuous malicious defamatory hate- and fear-mongering is sufficient justification for legal action. I’m honestly not quite sure where I stand on the atheists activities in this incident – it surely wasn’t illegal or punishable, but I’m not sure that I’d personally have endorsed it. But regardless, OBJECTIVE: Ministries response is nothing short of deplorable.

But I guess in their deluded minds, in which the Bible is the inerrant literal word of God and deviation from the divine path is the necessary and sufficient precursor to an eternity in hell, the communication of un-Christian thinking to children whose brainwashing may not yet be complete is among the greatest acts of inhumanity that one could perpetrate. As that evil atheist Sam Harris has pointed out, “if you believe that there is something so spiritually wayward that your neighbour could say to your child that it would put him or her on a path to eternal damnation in hell, then your neighbour is far more dangerous than the child molester next door.”